Planned our wedding. Saved for it. Sold numerous worldly possessions (including semi-vital organs) to help pay for it. Talked a lot about it. Wouldn’t shut up about it. Narrowly avoided being stabbed with a biro by work colleagues for going on about it so much. Toned down the wedding talk (a teeny bit).
Lovingly hand-made 67 invitations for the wedding. Suffered roughly 3 billion paper cuts in the process. Wished I hadn’t committed to making my own invitations. Posted invitations. Received lots of praise regarding said invitations. Glad I made invitations. Felt warm and fuzzy inside.
Attempted to lose half my bodyweight in preparation for the wedding. Actually lost roughly 9½ pounds (not half my bodyweight).
Received evil death stares from my brothers for not shutting up about the bloody wedding.
Had an amazing Hen Doo to celebrate forthcoming nuptials, during which I captained my own ship, went ape and allowed fish to eat my feet for breakfast. Loved my girlfriends even more as a result. Returned from Hen Doo. Collapsed with exhaustion. Slept for a week.
Enjoyed sampling my fiancé’s practise wedding cakes. Worried that I would no longer fit in my dress.
Had a manicure with my mum. Collected the dress. Forgot the veil. Did not sleep.
Leapt out of bed at stupid o’clock in the morning. Had a fabulous time being beautified with my bridesmaids. Reunited with my beloved veil – courtesy of one legendary best man. Wedged into my dress by bridesmaids.
Fashionably late (by almost an hour) I skipped up the aisle and married the love of my life.
Posed for photos. Got my leg out and embarrassed my new in-laws as a result.
Posed for more photos, without my leg out.
Managed to eat almost 2 whole spoonfuls of our 3 course wedding breakfast, due to corseted dress squishing my entire digestive tract into 4 square millimetres. Laughed at the speeches. Cut the cake. Ate cake.
Did an impromptu speech. Danced with hubby. (Got the distinct feeling we were being watched).
Friends and family joined in and there was a Take That dance-off.
Honeymooned in Cyprus. Sweated more than I thought was medically possible. Cooled off in the sea. Ate prawns the size of my head (and I have an abnormally large head). Loved every minute.
Returned to work. Did not love every minute.
Husband was made redundant from work.
Watched The Lion King in the West End as a birthday treat. Sang the first line from the “Circle of Life” out loud repeatedly for 2 weeks. Really must learn the next line.
I got placed at risk of redundancy from work. Had a proper grown-up conversation with my brother about career options.
Husband found a new job.
Husband surprised me with a beautiful pine tree two weeks before Christmas. It died within an hour. Have spent most of the festive period extracting pine needles from my right eye.