- Jumping in muddy puddles will keep you entertained for precisely 4 hours and 27 minutes. Half the time it takes to get you clean again.
- If you ask your mother “Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?…Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?…Why? Why?…Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?…Why?” constantly for 8 hours, her head will actually explode.
- It may look like a drum stick to all the boring grown-up people, but to you it is a magical wand and you are not afraid to use it.
- Fatigue is not an issue. You can always have a power nap in the dog basket.
YOU HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR EVERYTHING
- “Daddy told me it was okay”.
IF IT DOESN’T HAVE A CHILD SAFETY LOCK ON IT, THEN IT’S YOURS
- Left unattended for 2 minutes, any infant can eat half a pot of Sudocrem.
- You can lovingly varnish your grandfather’s antique cabinet. Just don’t expect a ‘thank you’.
- You look particularly fetching with your mother’s make-up all over your face. Very Eddie Izzard.
- Toast really doesn’t fit in the DVD player. You’ve tested this theory, several times.
- Rapturous applause awaits you every time you count to 10 / clear your plate / pee in a toilet and not the waste paper basket.
- Parents know nothing, but don’t worry – you can teach them the lyrics: “Twinkle twinkle chocolate bar, my best friend’s a racing car…”
NOTHING SCARES YOU
- You get to dance with all the hotties.
- You can drive without due care and attention and still not face a lawsuit when you hit a tree / cow / Lollypop Lady.
- If you want to wear sunglasses with teddies on them, to match your teddy bear t-shirt, then you can and you will. You trend setter you.
- When asked if you have ants in your pants – you need to consult the contents of your underwear to verify.
Having given the matter much thought, I have concluded that I would be willing to be a kid again.
Now who stole my Magna Doodle? I want it back.