Being unemployed does crazy things to a person. The longer I’m a jobless hobo, the more I find myself considering professions that would otherwise have gone overlooked. Such as, though not exclusive to:
- Pole Dancer.
- Forklift Truck Driver.
- Brain Surgeon.
- Life Model.
- Superhero.
Fear not – I would never be a Life Model. Being a Superhero however does appeal. Just imagine – I could use my superpowers to rid the world of evil, hatred and Justin Bieber.
Being a caped crusader is not without its drawbacks though. Who knew?
THE TOP 8 PITFALLS OF BEING A SUPERHERO
The Moral Code. Goddam’ it. ’Willingness to risk one’s own safety for others, without expectation of reward’. No reward you say? None at all? Not even Jaffa Cakes?
Your Highly Questionable Outfit. Nobody looks good in Spandex. Not even David Beckham.
Chafing. Trust me – no amount of Vaseline can protect you.
Everyone Knows Your Achilles Heel. Most mere mortals can hide their flaws with some camouflage make-up and good lighting. Your faults make the front page.
You’re On-Call 24/7. Even during The Apprentice. 
You Can Never Find a Phone Booth When You Need One. Like when you only have a nanosecond to get changed into your leotard. (I blame mobile phones). 
Your Archenemy. One mega-villain trying to take over the world. Again. It’s exhausting.
There’s No Room in Your Utility Belt for Hair Straighteners. How can they expect you to be photo-ready at a moment’s notice if you can’t address the state of your tresses?
Upon reflection, I have decided that superheroism is not for me. I think I’ll give brain surgery a go instead.
Any volunteers?
jessseeker 
great fun – thanks!
You’re welcome! I personally think I’d make an excellent superhero, but could never shoehorn myself into a lycra suit. 😉
I find that nothing beats the comfort of cotton when saving the day.
Excellent post. I’m not, however, convinced that David Beckham can’t make spendex look good.
You’re right. He’d look good in anything. Maybe even a mankini…
I don’t know. Brain surgery involves sawing into people’s heads. I bet you could devise a utility fanny pack that could hold a hair straightener.
I am laughing at your comment for two reasons:
1. It’s funny in its own right.
2. In the UK, the word “fanny” means something totally different.
Thank you Speaker7, a pleasure as always. 😉
Re: #2 – I learned something new today.
Great post!!! 🙂
Thanks! I think I could just about cope with everything else – apart from missing The Apprentice. 😉
HECK NO! haha!
I have aspirin to numb the pain?
Wonderful post – I think you should go for Superhero with the caveat that you get to change the wardrobe requirement – no Lycra, Spandex or WonderWoman one pieces, no crowns, or big head masks (talk about hat head). Maybe leggings and a over sized T-shirt which has your super-being name on it?
Stupendous suggestion! Outstanding! I’m all over the leggings / baggy t-shirt combo. 😀
Just make sure you affix the correct letter on the t-shirt so people know which superhero you are! 🙂
I’d recommend rocket scientist as second career choice. You’d have a chance to have first contact with an ET and provide the introductory impression for all of mankind. Plus it’ll make a supercool blog entry.
Excellent suggestion. I’ll get right on it. Now is Rocket Scientist the kind of qualification you can get online?
another back drop of being a Super Hero…just when you are about to get the Kiss of the century you hear Police sirens calling you for help… 😉
this makes single people like me ineligible for Super Hero business
So true! It ruins your love life! I think maybe that’s the decider. Well, that and the lack of hair straighteners…
Didn’t Superwoman at least have those cone-like bosom boosters that Madonna resurrected in the 80s? Whose really looking at your spandex when you’re sporting those babies?? ;^)
She did indeed! I might sport them everyday from now on. No-one will notice that I’m sporting pyjamas! 😀
Too funny! The archenemy thing is what prevents my attempt, too!
Archenemies are just such hard work! Why can’t they give you a break? Or pick on someone else… No fair! 🙂
Mmmmm Jaffa Cakes…. but I digress! When I really wanted to leave my last job quite badly I considered applying for jobs as a forklift driver, turns out they actually want qualified people doing that job, not office workers looking for a change, who knew? Luckily I found a better job, hopefully you will soon too, but what’s with forklift driver looking so appealing to the unemployed and those who hate their job? It doesn’t scream glamour then, there it is!
I think Forklifting is the future. Glad I’m not the only one. Do you think I can qualify through an e-learning course? 🙂
Maybe – but honestly the best way to learn I’ve heard is just to get out there and do it! My dad has a few in his shop if you fancy a trip out to Canada 😉
Most definitely. Next time I’m in Canada I’ll pop by! Very jealous that your dad has some! How cool!
I am a bit jealous of him too, I live 5 hours away so I don’t get to see them much! But yes, it’s very cool 🙂 I suppose they are for work and all, and I wouldn’t really be able to fit them in my apartment, but still!
When I turned 30 I said I should try a stint as a go-go dancer – the kind that dance in the background of a club to create the ‘mood.’ Shake it while you got it was my motto. (Fortunately) I never actually was able to convince myself to really go for it. I wonder what ideas I’ll come up with at 40…?
I wonder if you need to be able to dance to be a go-go dancer. Because if not – then I’m totally up for it! Lapdancer at 40 perhaps? 😉
Now there’s an idea…. 😉
Plus, the cape is a major health risk. Have you not seen The Incredibles, that iconic movie on superheroism?
PS: My 3-year old adores forklifts. There sure seems to be some cool aura about them. I reckon he wants to be a forklift driver, too, one day.
How foolish of me to overlook the cape risk. I should have learnt from The Incredibles. I learn everything important from Disney and Pixar! The circle of life and ‘just keep swimming’ just to start.
Boys and their toys! My brothers were the same. Planes, trains, auto-mobiles and dinosaurs! 🙂
Oh, and don’t forget helicopters. The Easter Bunny was sooo generous!
I want your Easter Bunny! Mine just gives me one Creme Egg. One!
Nah, you got that wrong. MY Easter Bunny doesn’t exist. The one with the helicopter was my little monster’s Easter Bunny, and he obviously doesn’t give a damn about me. Dang fairy-tale creatures!
How rude! :S