The Top 8 Pitfalls of Being a Superhero

Being unemployed does crazy things to a person. The longer I’m a jobless hobo, the more I find myself considering professions that would otherwise have gone overlooked. Such as, though not exclusive to:

  • Pole Dancer.
  • Forklift Truck Driver.
  • Brain Surgeon.
  • Life Model.
  • Superhero.

Fear not – I would never be a Life Model. Being a Superhero however does appeal. Just imagine – I could use my superpowers to rid the world of evil, hatred and Justin Bieber.

Being a caped crusader is not without its drawbacks though. Who knew?

THE TOP 8 PITFALLS OF BEING A SUPERHERO

The Moral Code. Goddam’ it. ’Willingness to risk one’s own safety for others, without expectation of reward’. No reward you say? None at all? Not even Jaffa Cakes?

Your Highly Questionable Outfit. Nobody looks good in Spandex. Not even David Beckham.

Chafing. Trust me – no amount of Vaseline can protect you.

Everyone Knows Your Achilles Heel. Most mere mortals can hide their flaws with some camouflage make-up and good lighting. Your faults make the front page.

You’re On-Call 24/7. Even during The Apprentice.

You Can Never Find a Phone Booth When You Need One. Like when you only have a nanosecond to get changed into your leotard. (I blame mobile phones).

Your Archenemy. One mega-villain trying to take over the world. Again. It’s exhausting.

There’s No Room in Your Utility Belt for Hair Straighteners. How can they expect you to be photo-ready at a moment’s notice if you can’t address the state of your tresses?

Upon reflection, I have decided that superheroism is not for me. I think I’ll give brain surgery a go instead.

Any volunteers?

Advertisements

37 thoughts on “The Top 8 Pitfalls of Being a Superhero

  1. Wonderful post – I think you should go for Superhero with the caveat that you get to change the wardrobe requirement – no Lycra, Spandex or WonderWoman one pieces, no crowns, or big head masks (talk about hat head). Maybe leggings and a over sized T-shirt which has your super-being name on it?

  2. I’d recommend rocket scientist as second career choice. You’d have a chance to have first contact with an ET and provide the introductory impression for all of mankind. Plus it’ll make a supercool blog entry.

  3. Didn’t Superwoman at least have those cone-like bosom boosters that Madonna resurrected in the 80s? Whose really looking at your spandex when you’re sporting those babies?? ;^)

  4. Mmmmm Jaffa Cakes…. but I digress! When I really wanted to leave my last job quite badly I considered applying for jobs as a forklift driver, turns out they actually want qualified people doing that job, not office workers looking for a change, who knew? Luckily I found a better job, hopefully you will soon too, but what’s with forklift driver looking so appealing to the unemployed and those who hate their job? It doesn’t scream glamour then, there it is!

          • I am a bit jealous of him too, I live 5 hours away so I don’t get to see them much! But yes, it’s very cool 🙂 I suppose they are for work and all, and I wouldn’t really be able to fit them in my apartment, but still!

  5. When I turned 30 I said I should try a stint as a go-go dancer – the kind that dance in the background of a club to create the ‘mood.’ Shake it while you got it was my motto. (Fortunately) I never actually was able to convince myself to really go for it. I wonder what ideas I’ll come up with at 40…?

  6. Plus, the cape is a major health risk. Have you not seen The Incredibles, that iconic movie on superheroism?
    PS: My 3-year old adores forklifts. There sure seems to be some cool aura about them. I reckon he wants to be a forklift driver, too, one day.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s