For those not yet in the know (where have you been?) I recently announced my intentions to take over the world. Well, the blogging world at least.
So in addition to perfecting my evil dictator laugh, I have begun working on ideas to expand my readership. With this in mind, I foolishly decided to make a video log (or “vlog”).
I hope my debut vlogging experience can be used as a cautionary tale, for anyone else crazy enough to even think about trying.
Here are the top twelve things I learnt:
1. Invest in a tripod. I’m pretty sure professionals have no need to attach their camera to a cardboard box with masking tape. Or place said box on top of another box, precariously balanced on their bed, alongside a broken lamp.
2. Good lighting hides a multitude of sins. Bad lighting makes you look like a big fat spotty toad. Sadly, I fall into the latter category. That is my defence – and I’m sticking with it.
3. Have a plan of action. For reasons of continuity, you will not want to rerecord anything afterwards in your pyjamas.
4. Adlib. Whilst planning is extremely helpful and saves time – my best bits by far were totally impromptu. Yes, I am aware that I have just totally contradicted myself.
5. Record multiple takes of everything. You’d be surprised how many times you can fluff up in only a matter of minutes. Or maybe that’s just me?
6. Employ a glamorous assistant. As an extrovert, I gain most of my energy from other people. As such, I found my true personality didn’t really come out when talking to a camera lense.
Your glamorous assistant can also take ownership of button-pushing, face-fanning and tea/coffee/biscuit duties. So long as you pay them enough.
7. Keep it brief. I managed to cut down about an hour’s footage into five minutes and fourteen seconds. I wish it was shorter.
I can only apologise.
8. Enunciate. Otherwise you’ll sound like a rugged commoner. When I say “write” in the video, you can’t hear the “t”.
I’m now in grave danger of being disowned by my mother.
9. Stick with whatever word you originally planned to say. If you start saying “blogs”, then mid-word change to “posts”, the resulting word will be “blosts”. (I managed this fourteen seconds into my video. Impressive I know).
10. Know your weaknesses. Maths is not my strong point. Check out the percentages’ breakdown roughly three and a half minutes in. I’d love to say this was intentional. It wasn’t. I just can’t add up.
My father’s going to disown me too.
11. Avoid “Um” and “Err”. They are not your friends.
12. Don’t be afraid to fail. It will probably take you a whole day to film and edit your complete pile of excrement. But don’t worry if it’s not a cinematic masterpiece, so long as you learnt something – or maybe twelve things.
I’d like to dedicate my video to all the lovely bloggers who responded to my recent post ‘Friends, Romans, Readers, Lend Me Your Ears’ with such fabulous questions. I’m blaming you.
Cue evil dictator laugh: “M’wah ha ha ha haaaaaaaa!”
I don’t buy your disclaimer of not liking Justin Bieber. The dance-and-sing-along portion of your vlog felt too real to be mocking, like something that you’ve done several times when that beautiful Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Oh songs comes on. By the way, I believe Justin is 0.3 percent mop head.
It is true I tell you! I shall endeavour to write a post for you about the many things I would like to do to Justin Bieber. Top of the list would be to punch him in the face.
0.6% mop head you say? H’mm, that leaves 0.4% for something else…Decisions, decisions…
You forgot Bieber is also 33% ptaranadon doodoo head. This according to 1979-Angie. This was great! You are so adorable. I had a vlog all ready to post a month ago but my husband was troubled by my pausing to adjust my bra on camera. Maybe I need to learn how to edit?
Hooray for daily crisps.
Ha! He is indeed!
Most definitely learn to edit. I just used Windows Live Movie Maker. It came free with my laptop and I assure you – if I can do it, anyone can do. Easy peasy to omit bra adjustmentage. 😀 Go crisps!
Jess – I’ve been reading you for a month or so and chuckling away with you – love your first vlog attempt, as well as your pronunciation of “laboratories”. Really, you’re very clever – thanks for sharing the silliness.
Well hello fellow rambler! I’m delighted that you’re enjoying my madness! I can spell it – I just can’t pronounce it! 😀
Hey I DID have a party this weekend! I may have also turned a year older, but that was purely coincidental 😉
I have been loving reading this blog and the vlog bit on this post was a nice treat 🙂 plus I totally agree with you on the chocolate thing, it’s totally part of a balanced diet! It’s very good for you.
You did? Well I am sorry if my 3 month blogiversary overshadowed your birthday celebrations. They were epic after all. Happy belated birthday!
Yay for chocolate! Thanks! 🙂
Thank you 🙂 and yes, always yey for chocolate ❤
You’re welcome! 😀 I struggle to imagine a life without chocolate. Or hair straighteners. Or David Beckham… 😉
At the risk of exposing myself as a pedantic grammar nazi…
ENUNCIATE. (That’s the one for proper diction. Annunciate is to announce.)
Keep up the good work! I do enjoy your blog tremendously.
Duly noted and amended accordingly. My entire family have disowned me now. I don’t blame them -spelling and grammar were supposed to be my strengths. Without them I have nothing. 😉 *Weeps*
Thank you oh pedantic grammar Nazi! 😀
BRILLIANT! I shared my “Party Like A Rock Star Big 50” weekend with your Vlogging debut. If I had known I would have put mine on hold. Yours was so much more exciting. :- )
I wouldn’t worry too much – I believe partying like a rock star usually entails waking up in a pile of your own vomit. Highly overrated if you ask me. Many happy returns! 🙂
So I have yet to see you Vlog…Shame on Me, I Know!
I Know! Please Forgive Me!!
To try and make up for it…I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award.
Okay, so It’s not as big as being Freshly Pressed. And it’s no Pulitzer, BUT, I nominate you with all My Heart and Hurting Insides!!!
You should be getting the Trackback soon!
I shall forgive you – seeing as this was posted only yesterday. 😉
Thank you so much! I am honoured! Can’t wait! 😀
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Hahahahaha lol this is awesome. Thanks for answering my questions! You’re kind of amazing 😀 And for the record…you should certainly consider doing another one of these!
I am DELIGHTED you like it! 🙂 Hope the tips help – Backstreet Boys not necessary. 😉
I shall think about it. Taking on board points 1 to 12, naturally… 🙂
“… to film and edit your complete pile of excrement.” I LOL’d… REALLY!!! 🙂
Never a truer word spoken (or written). 😉 Glad to have been of service. 😀
ok, you had me at the Backstreet Boys jam at about 1:58 minutes in.
Tee hee! I’m pretty sure they’d wholeheartedly approve of my randomness to their funky beats. 😉
Ah, see, I wasn’t aware that crisps are made from potatoes. That explains a lot! Thank you for the enlightenment.
You are welcome. An easy oversight. 😉