Time to Take Over the World: Day One

It turns out this jobless malarkey is highly overrated. There are only so many conversations a girl can have about the state of the economy with her dehydrated house plant. So having given the matter much thought, I have decided not to become a worthless vagabond, but to take over the world instead. It was that, or learn Latin.

Never let it be said that I lack ambition. Like many bloggers, my dream is to become a wildly successful full-time writer, working from home – in the comfort of my favourite SpongeBob SquarePants pyjamas.

In three short months, jessseeker has inexplicably amassed 33,500 hits. Being Freshly Pressed during week seven certainly helped and featuring in WordPress’ Recommended Blogs for humor hasn’t done any harm either. Thank you WordPress Gremlins. I love you!

All I need to do now is work out how to replicate this twenty-nine fold to achieve what I would consider blogging success, namely one million hits. Then I can turn professional.

I’m reliably informed by people in the know that this is nigh on impossible to do. Having spent twenty-nine years ignoring figures of authority though, I have opted to do just that. Why break the habit of a lifetime?

It would seem like an insurmountable task, if it wasn’t for the support, intelligence and techie insight of my big brother Oli, who has promised to help me make jessseeker so successful that I “can retire on a bed of gold-plated chocolate money”. Dark chocolate, naturally.

So having observed some of the greats at work (Julie Powell, Dooce and James Altucher, to name but a few) I have tried to encapsulate their secret. Here goes:

  • Write well.
  • Write often.
  • Be different.
  • Make your blog look pretty.
  • Somehow establish universal appeal.
  • Get the world smiling, one blog at a time.

Do not under any circumstances:

  • Lose integrity.
  • Sell your soul to the devil.
  • Write anything nice whatsoever about Justin Bieber.

Okay, so I might have added the Justin Bieber thing. But it can’t do any harm.

I plan to measure my success by hits, followers, revenue and whether or not Stephen Fry is willing to write the foreword to my first book. Failure is not an option. That bed of gold-plated chocolate money will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine.

I am fully aware that flying over Buckingham Palace, dressed as Wonder Woman, with an old bath towel for my cape and teddy bear for company would be a more realistic ambition. So please wish me luck and I shall keep you posted on my complete and utter failure resounding success!

30 thoughts on “Time to Take Over the World: Day One

  1. Aim high. Why not? Oh, flying over Buckingham Palace dressed as Wonder Woman should be every girl’s dream. Thanks for that image. Race ya. ; ) I find it incredibly sad that my daughter doesn’t even know who she is….

  2. I’m waiting for the blessed day when my blog is “Freshly Pressed”! Oh, the parade that I will have! People will flock to my blog with praise and accolades! I’ll eat toast all day and not worry about exfoliating my skin….

    Until that day, it’s nose to the proverbial grindstone, and write, write, write.

    Congratulations on the success!

    • Thank you! I’m working on it. Have taken a look at your blog and website – both excellent. Loving the sugar skulls!

      I’m sure you’re just a hop, skip and jump away from being Freshly Pressed. It will happen when you least expect it I’m sure. 🙂 Great work, keep at it.

  3. You can do it! Loved the Pinky and the Brain clip. I’d forgotten about them. Too funny! You always put a smile on my face. Keep it up.

    • Thanks! I do hope so! I’m delighted that you share my love of Pinky and the Brain! The clip made me laugh, as it is cut slightly short at the end – resulting in them trying to take over the “worl”.

      You’re very kind. 🙂 Thanks for the ongoing support!

  4. I, too, dream of a bed of chocolate money. Congratulations on your success thus far. Keep up the good work and you’ll wow a million viewers in not time. Teach me how to get Freshly Pressed!

    We’re supposed to wear pyjamas?

    • I honestly have no idea. I like to think of myself as a bit more Pinky than Brain. I’m terribly misunderstood you see… 😉

      Thank you Jerry – and you are welcome!

    • I believe such phrases are usually accompanied by the obligatory hand flick / click of fingers action. Otherwise it is just lame. You pulled it off with aplomb sir, bravo.

      Thank you!

    • Tee hee! I’m still not entirely sure how this happened. Would love to take the credit, but it is thanks in no small part to whichever WordPress Gremlin/s picked me for Freshly Pressed last month. This has made me reassess my plan of action for the year though, as I originally hoped to go from 0 to 2,000 hits by Christmas.
      I might even treat myself to some new PJs if/when I reach my goal. 😉 Thank you as always my dear. 😀

      • I say forget about ‘hits’ and focus on at least starting a large writing project… a collection of funny stories for a book. Several volumes are possible, I should think, judging from how your funny bone is directly connected to your brain. Use the blog as an avenue to promote your work. THEN, buy a pair of PJ’s! 🙂

  5. Does that mean my post about how I jam out to Justin Bieber’s “Baby” at work excludes me from blogger fame?

    Also, a local radio dj said that Justin Bieber is equivalent to the next Justin Timberlake. What say you?!

    • How dare said DJ compare Bieber to Timberlake. Blasphemy I tell you! 😉 (In case I wasn’t clear – I disagree).

      Savannah, I believe you fall into an elite category of particularly talented bloggers, who can still achieve fame and fortune in spite of their incurable love of the Bieber. There’s a loophole you see. 😀

  6. Love the perfectly applied Wayne’s World reference and the comment above about your funny bone being directly connected to your brain 🙂 It’s good to have a goal – my sister and I already have plans for our future Empire. It’s going to rock!

    • Aah, Wayne’s World – Mike Myers at his best! A cinematic masterpiece if you ask me. I loved Finally Write’s comment too! Now there’s an image! 😉

      Good luck to you and your sister – you deserve every success! 😀

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