To This Day, I Have No idea What We Were Thinking

I first committed fraud at the tender age of eleven, obtaining property by deception. The item in question: one child’s lucky bag.

Just to clarify – I did not steal the lucky bag; I merely purchased it under false pretences. That doesn’t however make this story any less embarrassing. Allow me to explain:

Lucky bags generally contain a mixture of vile tasting sweets, a miniature colouring book, one defective toy (usually a whistle or yoyo) and an extensive palette of three (yes, three) crayons.

At four years old, this would have kept me occupied for at least three days. I’d use the crayons for the Wassily Kandinsky homage on my bedroom wall, and then eat them for lunch. If there were any remnants left over – I usually stored them in my left nostril for later use. Beyond the age of eight however – lucky bags lost their appeal and suddenly seemed extremely lame.

At eleven years old, my best friend and I decided to be VERY cool and rebellious by purchasing candy cigarettes and pretending to smoke them in the park. The trouble was, we both also had a hankering for lucky bags that day – which quite frankly, at eleven, was social suicide. 

We took our chosen items to the counter and to avoid embarrassment, made a point of telling the cashier very loudly that the lucky bags were for our younger sisters and most definitely not for us, because we were like waaay too old for them. (I don”t even have a sister). Much to our surprise and delight – she didn’t bat an eye lid. It dawns on me now that this was because:

  1. We both looked seven years old.
  2. She did not care.

We paid for our items, and swiftly fled the scene of our crime. To this day, I have no idea what we were thinking. I certainly had no need for a broken whistle.

I’m sorry to say that was only the start of my life of crime. At sixteen years old, I managed to acquire a fake ID. I was utterly convinced that I could pass myself off as a thirty-two year old beautiful Latino woman called Carmelita Chiquita Estevez.

Apparently not.

31 thoughts on “To This Day, I Have No idea What We Were Thinking

  1. Lucky bags sound so cute. I wouldn’t mind having one!
    And those white candy sticks were practically made for kids to pretend to smoke! Everyone done it! They tasted good too…

    • Lucky bags cost £1.99 and were probably worth around 17 pence. Though yes, as I young child I thought they were the coolest thing in the entire world!

      White candy sticks have a lot to answer for! Fortunately I never moved on to the real things…I got in enough trouble with my mother for pretending to smoke the candy ones 😉

      • Haha. Well you were probably better at pretend smoking them than me, as I would do it for literally less than 5 seconds and end up munching them all.

        • I was pretty rubbish at the faux smoking too, sadly also ended up eating them. I have never smoked – but am pretty sure the technique does not involve eating the cigarettes… Thanks 🙂

  2. lucky bags were the best thing out when we were little, but yes somehow they lost thier appeal as we grew up and wanted make-up and jewellery in them instead of grotty sweets and crayons

  3. I don’t remember them being called lucky bags, but I do Denver them. In fact, I wasted hard-earned money on them for my own kids…just because I remember how “important” they are. And yes, there was always a broken toy. And I was the queen of the fake ID. You just inspired me for s blog post…thanks!

    • Very important indeed. You have a wise head on your shoulders. Good to know the broken toy wasn’t exclusive to me and my friend.

      I wish I still looked young enough to warrant fake id! Good luck with your new post – you’re welcome! 🙂

  4. No, you didn’t, did you? How can I justify before myself to follow the blog of a lying, cheating criminal?! One with such weird hankerings at that!

    I’m going to do some serious soul-searching and will let you know about the outcome, mkay?

  5. I’m not sure how light and cheering you actually are, little lady. I love your stories & they are extremely funny. I love the pace and the payoff at the end. More, please!

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