When Did This Happen and Why Didn’t I Get the Memo?

Overlooking the glaringly obvious – like the fact I am a twenty-nine year old married graduate, with a mortgage and interest in current affairs, it hadn’t dawned on me until recently that I’m actually now a grown-up. When on earth did this happen and why didn’t anyone tell me? 

In my defence – I still know all the words to Disney’s ‘Beauty and the Beast’ and the dance moves to ‘Backstreet’s Back’.

I was hoping this would be sufficient to keep me young, hip, happening and generally down with the kids, forever. Apparently not. It seems the following truths go against me:

I have no desire whatsoever to throw my knickers at Justin Bieber. A rock, perhaps…(Kidding, obviously).

I almost hyperventilated with delight when my brother gave me a toaster last Christmas.

My husband and I have an emergency fund, just in case: 

  • The boiler breaks down.
  • I flood the bathroom for a second time.
  • I accidentally leave a fork in the microwave again.

I have more fruit, salad and vegetables in my fridge than wine or beer.

I can no longer go out three nights in a row and function normally. (Or at all, in fact).

The deciding factor for all shoe purchases is whether or not I will be able to walk in them for more than three minutes without being crippled or maimed. I’m sure this was never an issue in my teens. 

I hugged, rather than swore at the cashier in the Poundshop who asked to see ID for my recent tin-opener purchase. Who knew you needed to be eighteen to gain access to chopped tomatoes?

I have an outfit in my wardrobe for every occasion – yet nothing to wear.

I own three houseplants, countless ornaments, roughly thirty-two spare light bulbs and a dozen scatter cushions. 

The latter, incidentally serve no purpose whatsoever and should be outlawed. I’m starting a petition. Who’s with me?

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49 thoughts on “When Did This Happen and Why Didn’t I Get the Memo?

  1. I still have a hard time to see myself as something else than a ‘girl’. Maybe it’s because I don’t do ornaments and scatter cushions (I’m in on the petition for sure). And my husband calling me ‘My girl’ doesn’t really help either.
    I guess I better get on it, after all I am nearly 10 years older than you and have a child!

  2. I think I might be well on my way to adulthood. I officially own 3 houseplants (that have managed to survive in my house for 4 months) & I’m on my way to counting my light bulbs…

      • Haha, well one is a cactus-type plant, so I just generally ignore it. The other 2, my grandmother calls once a week & says, have you watered your plants?-wait did I just ruin my adultness with that statement?

        • You might have ruined the mystique, just a little. Cactus plants are the way forward. I hear there’ll be the only things left on this planet to keep the cockroaches company post apocalypse. Probably wise to be nice to them 😉

  3. I have that trouble sometimes and I have two kids. Sometimes it’s rough when you realize you’re the one who has to make the decisions. I’m rather enjoying second childhood sometimes and then I have to go and be all grown up about stuff. It’s not fair.

  4. I’ve just been reading this out loud to my whole family. So funny, you are such a treat! I will never be a grown up. If I had a pixie I could snaffle dust from – I’d be on my way to Neverland…

    • Dianne, you have just made my day – thank you! 🙂 May I recommend that if you manage to procure any pixie dust then you try marketing it on E-Bay? I hear there’s a big market for it.

      I may join you in Neverland! Have always wanted to fly and never ever grow up 🙂

  5. Oh come on now, don’t be too hard on the scatter cushions! Like the ornaments they look pretty – but unlike they ornaments you can take naps on them 🙂 I know you probably aren’t supposed to, but that hasn’t stopped me yet 😉

  6. If reality is hitting you, wait until you get to be my age. My kids are your age but that doesn’t mean I have to be grown up all the time. Sometimes I jump around singing songs from Grease.
    Just to prove it, I have two dead houseplants, no spare light bulbs, (at least none that fit any appliance I own), and if scatter cushions are what we call throw pillows I don’t have one single one. I think one of my dogs ate them.
    I will now march off singing Forever Young. The Rod Stewart version. 🙂

    • Ann, have I told you lately that I love you? 😉 You do make me smile. Excellent news that I can continue my adolescence for the rest of forever.

      I’m having a scatter cushion bonfire (yes, I believe they are also known as throw pillows), want to join in? 😉

      I favour Chesney Hawkes ‘I Am the One and Only’, but good call on Rod Stewart. My mother once shared the back of a limo with him. But that’s a story for another day 😉

  7. Hmmm. I think the veges to wine ratio might change in your thirties. Wine is a type of fruit right?

    Why do you need ID to buy a can opener? What nefarious use are the youth of England using can openers for?

    • It has grapes in it, therefore it counts as one of your five a day. Excellent plan – I am nearly thirty after all 😉

      I believe the item in question has a sharp edge with which to open tins and as such it is classed as a blade. It could have been worse – a friend of mine needed ID to purchase knitting needles. I dread to think what crimes have been committed using such items! The mind boggles…

  8. I never really understood the need for all those pillows on the bed. as far as I can tell, they are never to be used for anything besides floor decoration when you wanna actually use the bed. perhaps when I understand the need for them, I will finally be a grown up 🙂

    • As someone who invested in a few of the offending articles in question, I can assure you they serve no purpose whatsoever, aside from floor decoration (shrewdly observed) and being a hindrance for getting into bed. Never buy any. There’s no need to grow up, childhood rules! 🙂

    • Good thinking Batman. I shall remember that one 🙂

      I’ll add you to my ever-growing list of anti scatter cushion protesters. “Down with superfluous cushions, up with…chocolate!” 😉

  9. In all fairness, I’m seventeen, I would never let justin Bieber near any of my knickers and I was over the moon when Santa finally took me seriously and left me a panini machine under the tree last year. I don’t think you ever really have to grow up if you don’t want to though – especially if you know all the moves to ‘Backstreets Back’ because that will be forever cool! 🙂

  10. You couldn’t just leave well enough alone, could you?

    You just had to go and drag us all down with you, didn’t you?

    I Am An ADULT!!! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

    *sniff, sniff* 😥

    I guess I’ll sign that petition now…

    • Please forgive me. I really should have prefixed this with a warning about sitting down first and bracing yourself for shocking developments. Apologies.

      All you need to do is find a time machine, or dance to the Backstreet Boys and all will be good with the world once more 🙂

  11. Pingback: Sigh…This One is so NOT for Kids. Meaning 20-Somethings and Under « From The Pews

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