Give Peas a Chance

Meet Goldie. Like me, she is one of five children. Along with her siblings – Blackberry, Snow White, Custard and Silvery, she resides in a bijou waterlogged glass-fronted apartment in the posh part of Watford.

She is a lifelong supporter of Brighton and Hove Albion, though is yet to attend any football matches at their home ground due to mobility issues.

At three years old, Goldie likes nothing more than chewing her siblings’ tails, watching SpongeBob SquarePants and listening to Lady Gaga.

Come Dine with Me was her favourite television programme – until they showed her great-aunt being deep fried and served as an entrée. That kind of took the magic out of it.

Two days ago Goldie took a turn for the worse. Those of a nervous disposition should look away now: 

It is fair to say that everyone apart from Goldie’s owner (my cousin Sarah) had given up on her. A patch of lawn at the back of the garden was earmarked for her grave and a discarded tube of Bisto gravy granules was set aside for her coffin.

All was not lost though, as rumour had it that when fish swim upside down – they are not necessarily on their death bed, just somewhat constipated. (Who knew?) Not only that, but frozen peas (yes, peas) aid their digestion.

So Sarah fed Goldie peas accordingly – and look what happened overnight:

"My mama told me when I was young, We are all born superstars"

It’s a fishy miracle!

I feel there are two morals to this story:

  1. Never give up on someone you love.
  2. Give peas a chance. 

46 thoughts on “Give Peas a Chance

  1. “GIVE PEAS A CHANCE??!!” Oh. my. god. best line ever. what a perfect closer. you’ve hit it outta the park, me dear. I used to live in the UK and ‘come dine with me’ was one of my favorite shows. i would love it if they did a version here…

    • Well I don’t know about that – though I am delighted you took such delight in it 😀 Thank you for making me smile! 🙂

      Come Dine with Me and Lady Gaga are both outstanding. Goldie clearly has excellent taste 😉

    • It was looking very hairy for a few hours, but the peas clearly worked their magic. I think they have now sky-rocketed to my all time favourite vegetable. Full of vitamin C and they save poorly fish! 😉

  2. Huh, who knew you could feed peas to a dead fish! Learn something new every day.
    If she liked Come dine with me, maybe she could follow your brother’s latest 30 day challenge instead. Unless he plans on serving great-aunts, too, of course.

  3. I guess I will not be the first to think “Well that was easy peasy!”. I am puzzled by how you tell the fish apart and also whether they all support the same football club, unless the clue is in their names.
    Thanks for your consistently amusing posts by the way.

    • They are all aptly named, courtesy of Sarah’s young children. Silvery is silvery. Goldie is golden. Blackberry is black – and looks kind of like a berry. Genius I tell you – genius 😉 We know she supports Brighton and Hove Albion because she knows all the words to their chants…that and Gaga 🙂

      Thanks for the compliment! 🙂

  4. Fish get constipated?! Now I’ve heard everything. As soon as I read it I thought you were going to give her a tummy rub (don’t ask me how… it’s your blog).
    So Goldie likes Gaga 😀 I do too sometimes, but don’t tell anyone.

  5. Jess,
    I made a video for my best friend and this is one of the clips in it. When I read your post I had to share it with you. I hope you like it 🙂 ( my first upload to youtube haha! )

  6. Pingback: Life Before Facebook | jessseeker

  7. Did not know this about fish health. But no matter how much it works, I will NEVER like peas. 😀 Once of the reasons I wrote a post on it. They are torture, pure torture! LOL. But now I must admit, I have to tell people they are good for something thanks to your imparted knowledge. LOL

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