Childhood can be so stressful. Mine was no exception:
I got a splinter the size of a llama in my left pinky.
My brother Chris drew freckles on my hobby horse in indelible ink.
I once forgot to wear cycling shorts under my summer dress at school, so when practising handstands – inadvertently flashed my knickers at all the boys.
My Tracy Island looked nothing like the one they made earlier on Blue Peter.
A giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man romped through New York City and I thought we were all going to die (so hid behind the sofa).
My parents banned me from: 
- Riding a motorcycle.
- Having a pet tiger.
- Getting a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles tattoo.
- Helping myself to any more of the grown-ups’ fruit punch.
- Microwaving any of my brothers’ toy soldiers (again). Especially the metal ones.
Okay, with hindsight – not having Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello 
permanently imprinted on my back may have been a good move – but I still want a pet tiger.
Children are a lot more intelligent than we give them credit for. I decided at 7 years old that I never wanted to be self-employed like my father, as he worked roughly 87 hours a week and we rarely got any quality time with him. I stand by this decision. Here are my top 10 equally insightful things that children know and adults have forgotten:
1. ANYTHING TASTES BETTER WHEN COATED WITH BREADCRUMBS AND SHAPED LIKE A DINOSAUR.
2. NOTHING HEALS A GRAZED KNEE FASTER THAN A REALLY AWESOME PLASTER…EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T ACTUALLY NEED ONE.
3. FOR A HANDY SNACK ON THE MOVE – INSPECT THE CONTENTS OF YOUR NOSE.
4. MONSTERS LIVE IN CUPBOARDS, UNDER BEDS AND BENEATH THE STAIRS.
5. ALL BODILY FUNCTIONS, WITHOUT EXCEPTION ARE HILARIOUS.
6. SANTA IS OMNISCIENT AND OMNIPOTENT. BE AFRAID. 
7. SNOW IS ALWAYS A GOOD THING. 
8. PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES ROCK. 
9. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO BUY WITH THE 37 PENCE AND 2 CHOCOLATE BUTTONS IN YOUR PIGGY BANK: A PONY.
10. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. JUST BELIEVE. (PLEASE SEE POINT 9).
jessseeker 
Heart it very very much, perfect Friday read 🙂
Thank you very kind 🙂
What a brilliant idea for a post! I passionately agree with #2. And both of my children would give you a thumbs-up to #3. The pony wish is universal among kids, isn’t it?
A favorite Seinfeld show quote that reminds me of. Jerry: “I didn’t know she had a pony. How was I to know she had a pony? Who figures an immigrant’s going to have a pony? Do you know what the odds are on that? I mean, in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on a pony. Why would anybody come here if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn’t make sense.”
Thanks! Love the Seinfeld quote 🙂 I’m pretty sure the pony thing is universal, though if I remember correctly – one of my brothers also wanted to buy a real dinosaur. One of the really cool ones, like a T-Rex. None of that Diplodocus rubbish… 😉
Parents kind of suck, right?
Naaah, you’ve gotta love ’em. (I think it’s in the contract) 😉
I have been reading through blogs for hours now trying to find one that I like and it is safe to say I LOVE this. You are so funny and charming.
Thank you! Glad you like it – I’m trying to make the world smile, one blog at a time 🙂
Anything is possible!
It’s true!! 🙂
Hey I also wanted a horse when I was younger. For real! I kinda dreamed I’d ride a horse around the city instead of a car. I still think it’d be awesome. And I still want a horse.
I think the desire to have a horse in universally true of all young girls. I still want one – so long as I don’t have to clean up after it 😉
Really? I don’t know of anyone else aside from me and you actually. 🙂 I don’t mind cleaning up! That’s how much I want it!
Regarding 1) I wholly concur. My kids will only eat dino-chicken. I don’t know who introduced it to them (she may have looked a lot like me). And regarding 6) that’s why the omniscient “they” invented elf on the shelf.
You’ve made me laugh, thanks! Dinosaurs rock! 🙂
So, So True…Especially #10 ♥
for handy snacks inspect content of your nose….hahhahaha..hilarious
i always thought there was a monster under my bed… 😉
man! i wish i could go back to being a kid…
I would love it too – so long as I got to skip my teenage years – they were awful! 😉