“Charles Phillip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor – I think you’ll find young man that those are my Crown Jewels. Return them to the Tower of London immediately or I shall set the Corgis on you!” (Circa 2011)
Your mother’s body language in this situation was always key. With an eyebrow raised and arms crossed – the death stare was employed. That was your cue to return her Crown Jewels / put down the hammer / take your brother’s GI Joe out of the microwave (even if he had decapitated your Tiny Tears).
Being told “No you can’t watch that” merely resulted in you screening the desired 18 rated slasher horror psycho chainsaw massacre hell-raising blood-fest at your mate’s house instead. You’ve slept with the light on ever since.
As a child, being informed that something was prohibited, only ever made it more beguiling. As such, any of the following statements would have, quite rightly been wholeheartedly ignored:
“Your father’s nail gun is not a toy”
“Calpol is not fruit cordial”
So, when stating the obvious didn’t work – your parents attempted reverse psychology:
“I really love what you’ve done with your jeans. How do you get the waistband to sit just below your buttocks in that way? I hope you wear them like that forever”. If that failed, they resorted to outright lies:
My father used to tell my brothers and I “We’re nearly there” roughly an hour and a half into a 6 hour journey to Dorset. “I wonder who will be the first to see the sea?” he’d ask, midway through Luton.
I had an epiphany in my late teens and I didn’t like it. I realised my parents actually knew more than me.
Here’s some whimsical wisdomness, from older, wiser grown-ups. Show-offs:
“Never be afraid to ask for help or say you don’t understand” Anon
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new” Einstein
“These are the days of our lives” Queen (Roger Taylor)