Life Before Facebook

Does anyone else remember life before Facebook? It was such a simple time:

Poking resulted in bruising.

You didn’t have 367 friends you never talk to.

No one knew, or cared what you ate for lunch. They still don’t care. 

If someone wrote on your wall, you’d report them for vandalism. Now you actively encourage friends to do so. 

Unless you wore a ring on your finger or your heart on your sleeve, then your relationship status was often a mystery to others.

You were only tagged in the playground by friends, not when eating chicken wings at Nando’s.

Your mother merely suspected you made a complete twit of yourself on Friday night. Now she has photographic evidence

ON A POSITIVE NOTE:

Nobody forgets your birthday anymore. Facebook won’t let them. 

You have a captive audience* to promote your latest business venture / charitable event / blog post / boyfriend / kitten.  *Until they get bored and unfriend you.

There’s always detagging. Phew.  

The power of networking. Presidents have been elected, Dictators fallen and Simon Cowell undermined, all thanks to Facebook. God bless it.

You learn new things. Like the medicinal power of peas, courtesy of your cousin’s constipated goldfish

Think of your Profile as the coolest autobiographical scrapbook ever. Absolutely no need to faff with glue, scissors, glitter, pretty paper, or not-so pretty paper cuts:

 

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56 thoughts on “Life Before Facebook

    • The photo was taken by me, on honeymoon in Cyprus. The arm is my husband’s (he was trying to steal my pitta, how rude!) Trust me – it was delicious! Despite high salad content ;)

  1. Life was simple way back when… personally, I’m glad we have all this networking power now. It makes life a whole lot easier in most respects… however, I know it can make life a whole lot more complicated, too.

  2. This is very amusing. Most of the things you listed at the top are precisely why I don’t have Facebook anymore! I like to keep life simple, if possible. Thanks for the laughs.

  3. This is absolutely brilliant!

    I’ve actually learned to avoid Facebook unless it’s to send a message to someone in a different city, check on an event or wish someone happy birthday. Using it for any other reason doesn’t seem necessary and I realised that I was becoming annoyed when things that certain people were posting.

    • Definitely wise to ration it. My favourite new addition to Facebook is the ability to adjust the frequency of updates you receive from said annoying people :) It’s genius!

      Thanks!

  4. “No one knew, or cared what you ate for lunch. They still don’t care.” Yes.

    They also don’t care:
    1) if you’re tired
    2) if you know how to successfully type song lyrics
    3) If you know how to successfully type song lyrics while tired.

    • Whaaaaat? Why did nobody tell me?

      In my defence – those SpongeBob Squarepants lyrics really are quite profound “Oh who lives in a pineapple under the sea?”

      I concur! :)

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